Janes-List.com » Deployments

Running on empty…

Kelly — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:55:54 +0000

I apologize for not posting a single thing last week, ladies! As so many of you can relate, I’ve been running myself ragged between work, selling my house and driving 2 1/2 hours back and forth (when I can) to check on the new one we’re building. And might I add that I am doing this all on my own? Jane, unfortunately, took a back seat, and even worse, so did my health, so I wanted to share what I have learned over the last few weeks: Stress is horrible for you!

Okay, so you were already were aware of that. I sure was, but, like many women, I didn’t have the time to worry about it. Big mistake. For the last few months, whenever I’d try to sleep at night, it felt like my heart would stop, then it would pound like a sledge hammer, then race to catch up to normal rhythym. One night I thought I was having a heart attack. And it was just me and my dog. The exaggerated thought of dying alone sealed the deal for me and the next day I went to the doctor.

For the next 30 days, I’m hooked up to a halter monitor so the cardiologist can determine what’s going on. I have no history of heart disease, I eat well and exercise every day, but lately I’ve stuck all of that on the back burner and now I’m paying the price.

While my doctor thinks it’s stress and anxiety, it’s still a wake up call. I have so much admiration for working women with the same responsibilities as me plus children. I don’t know how they do it. It prompted me to think…when was the last time I took time for me?

As women, we bite off more than we can chew and find creative ways to accomplish everything on our to-do list in the mere 24 hours we’re given each day. Military wives who work full-time jobs, run households and care for children and pets often spend a lot of time doing it all on their own. When we get to the point where we’re doing for everyone but ourselves, a burn out is sure to follow.

As women, we feel we can’t take a break because of our jobs, our children, our financial situation, or because we don’t want to be “selfish”. Perhaps we intentionally do so much for others that it’s impossible to make time for ourselves. Maybe we’re scared of what we might learn about ourselves if we do take some down time. Either way, it’s time to give ourselves a break. A big one. Turn off your cell phone for an hour. Drop the kids off with a friend. Open a bottle of wine and play some music or, maybe, catch up on all the shows you’ve DVR-ed but never have time to watch.

I’ve learned that my world is not going to fall apart because I took some time to recharge my batteries. In fact, I’m much more productive when I do take a little bit of time for myself. So below are four ways to rejuvinate your mind, body and soul that will help you avoid burnout and won’t break the bank:

1. Take a walk. Or go for a run. Just get outside and let the air clear your mind.

2. Read a book. Or the newspaper-anything that doesn’t have to do with work.

3. Get a massage. If the recession has tightened your purse strings, go for a pedicure instead. Go on, you deserve it!

4. Head to the gym. I can’t think of a better way to get rid of your frustrations than by sweating them out. Whether you’re lifting weights or doing cardio, you’re doing your mind and your body a world of good.

Photo by tapasparida

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Finance Friday: Saving during a deployment.

Kelly — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 16:14:24 +0000

My husband deployed shortly after our wedding, leaving me behind with a partially-furnished house and many weekends to do some major damage decorating it in his absence. I worked such long hours during the week that when Friday night came around, I’d unwind with a cocktail and visit my favorite online shops to “browse” all the pretty eye candy.

In less than two weeks, I’d racked up what was, for me, a pretty hefty credit card balance. Despite having only purchased items that were on sale or clearance, I’d still managed to spend a pretty penny on picture frames, glass drawer pulls, a bathroom mirror, brand new bedding for our guest room and much more. Now, I’ve always prided myself on being frugal, paying my credit card off in full every month and deliberating forever before making most purchases, so I was shocked when I opened my credit card statement the following month. I reasoned that my income was substantial enough to cover it, that I worked hard and deserved a little frivolity, not to mention the fact that my husband and I were saving mad cash while he was overseas. I’ve since come to learn this is a very common mistake many military wives make.

Having worked in finance for so long, I’ve seen firsthand the devastation that spending and maxing out credit cards can bring. Granted, $1000 is far from major financial devastation, however, it can certainly lead to it if not curbed early on. My husband and I were always very diligent about saving but at that time had not set a budget for monthly spending. So I figured, with my husband away, there was never a better time to set a budget for myself and work towards staying within it every month.

I know it’s difficult to stick to a budget when your husband is away, especially when his paychecks are tax-free, but ask yourself this: which would make you happier-tons of stuff or the swell in your bank account every two weeks? Setting a budget can be fun, mostly because it causes you to be creative in how you spend your money. Believe it or not, setting a budget completely changed my shopping habits. Check out how:

24-hour rule. I learned this from David Bach’s Smart Women Finish Rich: before making a purchase for anything with a price tag of more than $100, give yourself 24 hours to decide if you really need it. This worked especially well for me when I wanted another pair of Citizen jeans. Did I really need them? No. Did I cut back on other purchases, namely eating and drinking out, for a few weeks to justify them? Definitely. Sometimes a larger, unnecessary purchase can be justified if it’s within your budget and you find ways to cut back in other places.

Look for discounts. Discounts are everywhere, you just need to know where to look. Wherever I go, I always ask if there is a military discount. You’d be surprised who is willing to give you 10 or 20% off your purchase. Case in point: I was in the Outer Banks this summer at a small boutique for pets. As the cashier, who was also the owner, was ringing me up, he saw my military ID and gave me 10% off my purchase then and there.

TJMaxx, Home Goods and Marshalls are great places to find designer clothes, shoes, cooking and decorative items at discounted prices. I’m a big do-it-yourselfer and love to refinish furniture, so when I see a piece that is banged up and could use some distressing and a coat of paint, I ask for the discounted price. They are more than happy to get rid of damaged inventory and usually make a hefty price slash.

Become a member. Hugely popular websites like Haute Look and One Kings Lane are members-only shopping sites that offer wholesale and drastically discounted prices on fashion and interior decor. Items are for sale for 24-72 hours before stock is refreshed.

Get free shipping. Shoe sites like Endless.com and Zappos.com offer free overnight shipping and returns on all their inventory. If you don’t live close to a metropolitan area with decent shopping, this is a great way to get fabulous footwear at reduced prices and free shipping!

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Tools to manage a household crisis during deployment (Part One)

Kirsty — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:07:02 +0000

It is inevitable. When your husband deploys, you will have to deal with a household crisis that you would never have thought you would have the gumption to deal with on your own. My personal horror stories – flat tire on the way home, death of a close family friend, surgery for my dog – aren’t even as bad as many that I’ve heard. But every incident I dealt with made me much stronger after the fact because I learned great tools to manage a crisis at home during a deployment.

Accept Reality. Right now the ball’s in your court and yours alone, because during a deployment, you have no backup. Once you accept the fact that you have no choice but to take action in a crisis, you will naturally start to muster up the confidence to take on any situation.

Be Calm. After all, what’s the alternative? I can’t think of a crisis that would be better handled if someone was hysterical. Try deep breathing and create your own “deployment mantra” that you can silently chant to channel your tension.

Filter Information. We’ve discussed key ways to interact with your husband that will result in an A+ deployment in a previous post. It is important to remember to be careful about what you share with your husband while he is deployed for two reasons. First, and most obviously, because you don’t want to add to his stress. But second, because he may not have the capacity to react the way you’d expect him to at home or in the field. That’s a sad fact that can end up being hurtful to you, so it’s best to avoid it all costs.

The truth of the matter is that you are stronger and more capable than you think. I don’t care who you are. You just have to trust in yourself and follow these tools and you can sail through any household crisis. Next week in Part Two, I’ll identify great resources to help you with specific crises.

Photo by: dustpanalley

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101 things to send him when he’s deployed 89-98

Kirsty — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:02:41 +0000

We’re in the homestretch of our list of 101 care package ideas to send your spouse when he’s deployed. Getting to the end of the list reminds of what it’s like to get through the final weeks of a deployment. I remember those weeks being tougher that the first few, and they were even tougher for my husband who was anxious to finally be home again. Keep in mind that in the last 6-8 weeks of his deployment, you don’t want to send him anything that will last longer than his last leg overseas. But why not have fun with it? Send him items to get him pumped up and prepared for his long trip home.

89. Remind him how much you appreciate his service and support your USO at the same time by picking up patriotic Sweethearts at K-Mart or Dollar General.

90. A copy of your local paper. He’ll have his favorite sports page back soon enough!

91. Boost his spirits with a box of his favorite nostalgic candy from the 60s, 70s or 80s. Get it at Cracker Barrel.

92. Make your own book of crossword puzzles for him, filled with your favorite inside jokes.

93. My guy eats peanut butter on anything. Try a jar from Peanut Butter & Co. for funky flavor.

94. Dried fruit has strong, sweet flavors and is very vitamin rich.

95. Help him blow off some steam with silly string or a pack of water balloons

96. Tide Pen or Shout Wipes. Will help clean up if there’s an emergency spill en route home

97. 100 Calorie Snack Packs will fit nicely in his pockets for the trip home

98. Help him freshen up when he gets off the plane – a cologne sampler or travel-size deodorant will do the trick

Photo courtesy of NECCO Sweethearts

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Recipe Wednesday: Best practices for baking cookies for care packages

Kirsty — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:02:06 +0000

I‘m not a great baker. That got me off the hook during my husband’s last deployment. He never expected me to send home-cooked sweet treats and I never thought that packing and mailing any was even feasible. Now I know better, thanks to Nestle, which has a terrific website with best practices for sending our troops baked goods. Follow their simple DO’s and DON’Ts and take a stab at some of their desert-safe recipes.

DON’T use fats and other ingredients that can go rancid and stimulate mold in the heat like butter, peanut butter, nuts, brown sugar, corn sugar, honey or molasses.

DO use a butter flavored vegetable shortening as a butter alternative and white sugar as your sweetener.

DON’T send without wrapping baked goods tightly in ziplock bags.

DO make use of Pringle cans for packing and include a piece of white bread in the package to absorb any moisture.

DON’T use recipes with aphrodisiac spices like allspice or nutmeg.

DO use chocolate and butterscotch. Once they are baked into the product, they will stay firm.

DON’T use packing peanuts, which are impossible to clean up once the heat and static cling get to them.

DO pack baked goods in sturdy boxes with foam packaging or bubble wrap to prevent shifting.

Creative Pan Cookies
This Nestle Toll House recipe has been desert-safe tested, meaning it meets all Middle East Guidelines and U.S. Postal Service mailing regulations.

Estimated Times: Preparation – 20 min | Cooking – 20 min | Yields – 48 bars

Ingredients:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
1 cup butter-flavored vegetable shortening
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons water
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
2 1/4 cups quick oats, uncooked
1 cup chopped dried apple slices, or raisins

Photo Courtesy of Nestle Toll House

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101 things to send him when he’s deployed: Celebration Edition 77-88

Kirsty — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:04:05 +0000

An anniversary isn’t the only celebration for which you need to be prepared when planning your care packages. Most deployments range eight to 12 months, so in that time, you’re due to experience many celebrations apart. The Internet is chock full of ideas for how to make him feel part of the party while he’s away. The most important thing to remember is that sending decorations for holidays is not goofy. Sure birthday party favors aren’t going to last him the week and he can’t eat them and they won’t keep him entertained. But it will make him feel special that you went out of your way to make sure he knows you think he’s special on his big day.

77. Father’s Day Edition: Be deliberate about taping your kids throughout the deployment and send him the DVD to celebrate Father’s Day.

78. Send your birthday boy a personalized photo birthday card from Hallmark.

79. Yes, you can send a birthday cake thanks to BakeMeAWish.com. Click the link in the ad below and this month only Janes-List.com readers can get 15% off by entering the promo code JLIST09.

80. Celebrate a promotion: Sparkling Cider in bubble wrap and a heartfelt note telling him how proud you are of him.

81. Baby on Board: Send him a new daddy package with baby booties, a proud daddy tee shirt and plenty of ultrasound pictures.

82. Halloween: Fill a Jack-o-Lantern with his favorite slasher flicks, tricks and treats.

83. Thanksgiving: Give him a seat at our dinner table – turkey jerky, craisins, instant mashed potato flakes and a recording of your loved ones saying what they are thankful for.

84. Christmas: A stocking with decorations to celebrate and his favorite Christmas movies on DVD. You can usually find great deals on this!

85. New Year’s: Recording of you counting down to midnight and telling him all the things you’re looking forward to doing with him in the new year.

86. Valentine’s Day: This is a great holiday for hard candy so load up on the red hots, sweethearts and more and be crafty and make your own Valentine!

87. Easter: No one’s too old for an Easter basket! Fill it with peeps, jelly beans and his favorite seasonal candy.

88. Fourth of July Edition: Why not send some summer sausages? Hickory Farms offers free shipping to APO/FPO addresses.

Photo by: Jeff Harris Studio for BakeMeAWish.com

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Five steps for an A+ deployment

Kirsty — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 11:19:11 +0000

After I experienced my first deployment, I asked my husband to rate how I coped on a scale of 1 to 10. I was pleasantly surprised when he gave me a 9.5 and told me he thought I was exceptionally level headed and supportive for my first time going through it. I recently asked him what it would it take to be an A+ spouse during a deployment so I could share it here, straight from the Marine’s mouth!

1. Cookies

This was the first thing he said to me. It surprised me because I mistakenly thought homemade cookies would go stale on their journey halfway around the world. The best he got from me was probably 100-calorie graham cracker packs! Well, it turns out you can pack cookies to keep them fresh and apparently nothing tastes as good as real butter, genuine sugar and lots of love you bake into them.

2. Care packages

On that note, take note that you should keep the care packages coming! This was something that I was particularly good at. And I didn’t have to spend a lot of money or time to do it either. Personally, it felt great – like I had a real connection to my husband – every time I packed a new box and waited in line at the post office to send it. And apparently the feeling is mutual, because I hear that nothing beats hearing your name called at mail call. And if you have “care package idea block,” we’re here to help. Check out our 101 care package ideas series here.

3. Communicate consistently

Be consistent when communicating, he advised. If you know that your husband typically calls at a certain time during the week, make your best effort to not deviate from that schedule. Or, if you email everyday, try not to suddenly fall off the radar if you get busy, or go out of town. It’s tremendously frustrating when they are looking forward to talking to you and you can’t be available.

4. Be judicious in sharing your problems

I’m not saying to sugarcoat things, or bottle up your problems, but be judicious in sharing your problems with your husband when he’s deployed. It’s nothing but aggravating when they love you and want to help but cannot do anything. It’s fine to ask their advice if you think it will help you solve an issue. But, if you end up solving an issue without his help, it’s probably best that you don’t mention you ever had a problem in the first place.

5. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em

I think going through a deployment can actually help to learn to communicate more effectively as a couple. Every time you talk to him is precious and you don’t want to waste that time bickering. During a deployment, it’s easy for you to feel cheated and easy for him to feel resentful, but it’s your job to keep your emotions in check and to not waste those precious minutes you get to talk or email fighting.

Photo by: ldoherty81

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Finance Friday: Protect yourself from identity fraud

Kelly — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:19:57 +0000

During my career in finance I saw my share of credit reports ruined by identity fraud. Credit cards opened fraudulently in my clients names, charged to the max and then sent to collection due to non payment; auto loans taken out for vehicles that my clients never bought and, in one case, an individual who had declared bankruptcy in my client’s name to avoid paying illegally incurred debts.

Victims of identity theft can spend years and thousands of dollars restoring their credit record. Victims can lose job opportunities, be refused loans and even get arrested for crimes they did not commit. Skilled identity thieves can gain access to your info, including:

Stealing your mail
Digging through your garbage
Skimming information from ATMs
Obtaining information directly from you, posing as legitimate companies

Place an active duty alert on your credit. Military personnel are, unfortunately, a target for identity theft because of the amount of time spent overseas. If your husband is deployed, you can place an active duty alert on his credit reports to minimize the risk of identity theft. The alert lasts for one year and removes you from the credit reporting companies’ marketing lists for credit card offers for two years.

Invest in a shredder. This is one of the best ways to thwart identity theft. Shred every piece of mail that has your name and address on it including receipts, copies of credit applications, insurance forms, doctor’s statements, bills, checks, bank statements, expired credit cards and any credit offers you get in the mail. Thieves can open accounts in your name through these applications.

Place passwords on all accounts. This includes credit cards, bank accounts, utilities and phone accounts.

Keep info in a secure place. A safe is a great option to secure important documents like social security cards, birth certificates, passports, marriage certificates and anything with your birth date and social security number. This is especially important if you employ a maid or nanny or are having work done on your home.

Inquire about security procedures. Any institution that collects your personal identification-doctor’s office, your workplace, attorney, accountant-should store and dispose of personal information accordingly.

Treat your mail carefully. Drop your mail in post office boxes instead of leaving in your mailbox to be picked up. If you’re going on vacation, call the post office to place a hold on your mail at 1-800-275-8777.

To contact the three consumer credit reporting below with any additional questions.

Equifax 800-525-6285 www.Equifax.com

Experian 888-EXPERIAN www.Experian.com

TransUnion 800-680-7289 www.TransUnion.com

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101 things to send him when he’s deployed 66-76: Anniversary Edition

Kirsty — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:02:08 +0000

An anniversary is a sad time to endure a deployment. But at least you can console yourself on Ben & Jerry’s fro yo with Annie Hall. This is likely a time that your spouse feels quite lonely. So, send him an anniversary care package to remind him how much you love and appreciate him. To make it extra special, gift wrap your items in special wedding or anniversary wrap to set this package apart from the rest.

66. Get creative. Research traditional anniversary gifts and come up with alternatives that are affordable and useful for him overseas.

67. Did you save your vows or toasts from your wedding? Recreate and put in a frame or laminate them.

68. Photo project. Visit Shutterfly.com or a similar service to create a photo slideshow on a DVD that you can send him.

69. Remember what you danced to at your wedding? Burn him a CD mix of it.

70. Photos of his real present if you want to get him something he can enjoy when he’s home.

71. An itinerary. Book a celebratory vacation for the two of you and send him an itinerary to get excited.

72. Send him 365 reasons why you love him more than you did last year.

73. Make your own book or recreate your wedding or honeymoon album on blurb.com.

74. Scrapbook with photos of when you were dating and journal about what you remember from those days.

75. A sweetheart pouch with the perfume you wore on your wedding day.

76. Bake cookies that have the same flavors as your wedding cake.

Photo by: emolee84

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Ten ways to rid your deployment doldrums

Kirsty — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:07:16 +0000

Being on the other end of your spouse’s deployment certainly has its peaks and valleys. One minute you feel on top of the world for changing your own oils, and the next you are feeling emptier than the empty side of your queen bed. The key to making it through a successful deployment is is learning how to squash what I like to call the deployment doldrums. So here are ten positive things you can do instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

1. Go for a run, or engage in some form of cardio activity. Exercise is a proven way of beating depression, but is often overlooked by those of us who love to use the “I have no time” excuse.

2. Volunteer. Doing something for someone less fortunate than yourself is one of the best distractions for your dismay. Even better, look up your local USO to see if they need volunteers, or keep your ears open for opportunities within your spouse’s unit to assist with homecoming activities or be a key volunteer to help another wife who is experiencing a deployment for the first time.

3. Chant a mantra. Come up with your own, or you can borrow mine. When I get stuck in the weeds and start to sweat the small stuff, I tell myself, “I can do this, I can do anything. I’ve done things 1,000 times harder than this.”

4. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to something you don’t often do, like a mini facial, which is not only calming, but can be very therapeutic if your skin’s been ravaged by stress.

5. Write in a journal. Yes, I know we’re not 12 anymore, so why would we keep a journal or a diary? Don’t underestimate the ability to get your thoughts out of your head and onto a page. If you don’t believe me, try it for 15 minutes. I guarantee mood-lifting will ensue.

6. Cook a gourmet meal. I’ve experienced some major moments of zen simply chopping vegetables to prepare for dinner. Couple that with the task of preparing a challenging meal and you have a source of great pride (and hopefully great taste)!

7. Socialize. Tempted to sit at home and sulk, while watching every episode of Sex & the City on HBO On Demand? Well take a cue from Carrie and her crew and hang out with your girlfriends instead! Or, catch up on phone calls and emails to long-distance college pals.

8. Get outside. There’s no better time than summertime to lift your mood while outdoors. Plant a garden, take your dog to the dog park, take a stroll on the beach, have a long lunch at an outdoor cafe. If the sun’s shining you won’t be able to help but smile.

9. Have an animal instinct. We got our dog six months before my husband deployed in anticipation of me wanting to have some company while he was gone. Visit PetFinder.com to find rescues looking for a good home near you.

10. Musical therapy. Try putting on your favorite CD or playing your iTunes on shuffle. It’s amazing how listening to some of your old favorite songs will always make you feel like dancing!

Photo by: elisa

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