Janes-List.com » Personal growth

Networking…it’s easier than you think!

Kelly — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 15:03:01 +0000

Having had a heavy sales background, networking was like second nature to me. Put me in a room full of strangers and, more than likely, I was walking out of there at the end of the night with a pocket full of business cards. Friends would tell me the idea of striking up a conversation with a total stranger was intimidating, but to me, it was a surefire way to make acquaintances-both professionally as well as socially.

After relocating to a new base last February, my hubby deployed two weeks later. I found myself in a new house in a new city not knowing a soul. It was time to take my own advice, otherwise, it was going to be the longest deployment ever. Thankfully, some of the wives whose husbands were deployed with mine were wonderful-inviting me to get-togethers where I met other people-some military, some not. I’ve always thought this was one of the best parts of being married to someone in the military: getting to meet new people all the time. Many times, we end up forming bonds with people we never would have crossed paths or connected with in “civilian” life, and to me, that’s such a great opportunity.

We’ve talked about networking to get the job you want, but it’s just as important socially. The same rules apply and it’s easier than you may think:

Be yourself. Relax. Have a normal conversation with someone new and see what happens. I’ve met people at small barbeques and military functions who quickly became some of my life-long friends, just after discovering we had the same hobbies, interests or political views.

Don’t talk business. If you’re meeting military wives, chances are they are going to ask what you do for a living within the first three minutes of introducing yourself. Tell them, but then change the topic of conversation to what they do for fun, where the last vacationed, books they’re reading or movies they saw, instead. If you’re new to the area, ask about restaurant recommendations. The important thing is to keep the conversation light and easy.

Keep the focus on them. Whether it be their kids, their job or their house, who doesn’t like to gush about the things that are important to them? Get someone new to talk about themselves and not only will they think you’re charming, but it will give you the chance to find some common interests with them.

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Finance Friday: Taking it easy this Christmas

Kelly — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:07:35 +0000

If there’s anything good to come of this recession, it’s the opportunity to give my wallet (and sanity) a break this Christmas and get back in touch with the true meaning of the holiday.

For years I’ve fretted over what to get my family members and, of course, my husband (the guy who already has everything), burning gas driving all over town and clocking countless hours on the internet looking for deals. Oh, and let’s not forget the many nights after work spent baking goodies, decorating their packages and distributing to friends and neighbors. This year, I’m done. There is no gift out there that could really show how much I love my family and friends; I’d rather spend the time with them, instead.

With the hubby’s deployment right around the corner, I’ve decided that quality time with him takes priority over running myself ragged for things. With everyone trying to cut back on their spending, there’s no better gift Icould give my loved ones than permission to take it easy and skip the gifts this year.

Of course, I’ll still send cards; in fact, I will most likely lure the pooch to the beach and, much to his dismay, proceed to take one hundred pictures of him with a red scarf tied around his neck. Even though I’m not opting to go crazy this Christmas, don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with giving gifts this year, if that’s what you’ve chosen to do. I’m just saying that, if you’re tight on cash, there isn’t anything wrong with scaling back this year. Your loved ones will still love you, nonetheless.

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5 things to be happy about right now! Thanksgiving edition.

Kelly — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 10:53:13 +0000

I‘ve been in a bit of a funk lately…I’m sure you’ve all been here at one point or another. Adapting to a new environment, getting ready for another deployment. You know the deal. So to boost myself out of this ongoing pity party, and in light of Thanksgiving, I thought I would post a few things to be happy about (and grateful for) right now.

1. The release of New Moon. Enough said.

2. Robert Pattinson. Okay, so technically this falls under #1 but eye candy Robert Pattinson is just so mouthwateringly handsome that he deserved his own bullet point. Thank you, RPatz, for giving us ladies of the world something so delicious to look at!

3. $1 movie rentals at the grocery store. Those little red boxes at the entrance of your local grocery store may singlehandedly be the reason hundreds of Blockbusters are going out of business. And I can’t thank them enough! No need to cut back on movies during the recession now!

4. Friends. Those who have been there through thick and thin, good times and bad times; the ones who really know us and love us anyway. Wherever would we be without our friends?

5. A regular paycheck. We might not be in the best job, or making as much as we would like, but the fact that we still have a job is in and of itself reason to be grateful right now.

Photo by miroslavgeorgijevic

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How a layoff changed my life…for the better.

Kelly — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:39:58 +0000

Flashback to April. My husband was away, my dad was having a stent replaced, and worst of all, I was working in a stressful and unorganized work environment. Every morning I dreaded the ring of my alarm clock and some days it took all I had just to get out of bed to go to work.

Despite working in a less-than-desirable environment, I’ll be honest: a paycheck was a paycheck and I did enjoy the swell in my bank account every other Friday.

Then one day it happened. Because of financial difficulties caused by the economy, I was let go, along with another employee. I’d like to say I was crushed and that I went into panic mode at the thought of losing my income, but the truth was this: I felt a tidal wave of relief, like someone lifted a 50-pound weight off my shoulders. I knew right then and there that no matter what happened, from that moment on my life would be exponentially better.

Then the next day a close friend was killed in a motorcycle accident. Because I no longer had a job, I was able to spend the next few weeks with his wife helping with whatever she needed and most importantly, just being there.

We all know that life is too short to spend our days being miserable in our job, but how often do we take the risk of leaving a stable position to find something more fulfilling? Sure, I could have quit at any point, but with the economy in the can and living in a resort town, my options were few and far between. So how did losing my job change my life?

I was forced to decide what I truly wanted to do. It sounds silly to be 30 years old and still not know what I want to be “when I grew up”, but surprisingly, there are millions of women, many older than me, who are in the same boat. Suddenly, it was impossible to ignore that little voice in my head telling me to go for what I love, regardless of the money or the grueling hours it may take to achieve it.

While the prospect of doing my own thing is extremely daunting and there is no end to my to-do list, I am super excited to give my little venture a go. I may fail, but at least I will have tried.

I learned to live with less…and like it. There’s nothing like the loss of a paycheck to put your spending in perspective. Despite being frugal with my money, there were little things I was buying, like pedicures, weekly girls nights out and all those glossy magazines in the check out line at the grocery store I couldn’t resist buying. I was shocked at how much it all added up to every month. Now the girls and I do $1 taco/$2 margarita nights; I give myself pedicures every week during Grey’s Anatomy and I subscribe to magazines instead of paying four times as much at the grocery store. The changes may be small, but they do add up.

I’m happier than ever. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have to put up with office politics or power-obsessed bosses. I don’t have stress headaches, I’m not always in a bad mood and my marriage is stronger. If I had known a layoff would have such wonderful effects, I would have left my job to do my own thing long ago. So if you’ve recently lost your job because of the recession just know that there is something better waiting around the corner. I’m proof of that.

Photo by frank331

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5 things to be happy about right now!

Kelly — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:12:42 +0000

Times are tough for many people right now-all the more reason to take pleasure in the simple things whenever we can. If you’re having a bad day, a bad week or are just not where you want to be right now, just remember a new day is right around the corner. The following is what is currently making Jane smile:

1. Cooler weather. Fall’s right around the corner and that means jeans, long-sleeved tees and a good night’s sleep with the windows open. Skip the gym one day and take a long walk, run or bike ride outside-your body and mind will thank you!

2. A new envelope from Netflix. There’s nothing like finding the latest flick in your mailbox amongst bills, credit card applications and junk mail.

3. Madonna’s greatest hits. The Material Girl dropped her latest greatest hits collection Tuesday and every one of them is sweeter than ever.

4. Fall TV lineup. Grey’s Anatomy, 30 Rock, The Office, Bones, House, Dancing with the Stars, Flashback, Modern Family. Need I say more?

5. DVR and Tivo. Miss your favorite shows during the week because you’re too busy (or too tired?) Spend a day in your pj’s, catching up on them all!

Photo by miroslavgeorgijevic

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Running on empty…

Kelly — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:55:54 +0000

I apologize for not posting a single thing last week, ladies! As so many of you can relate, I’ve been running myself ragged between work, selling my house and driving 2 1/2 hours back and forth (when I can) to check on the new one we’re building. And might I add that I am doing this all on my own? Jane, unfortunately, took a back seat, and even worse, so did my health, so I wanted to share what I have learned over the last few weeks: Stress is horrible for you!

Okay, so you were already were aware of that. I sure was, but, like many women, I didn’t have the time to worry about it. Big mistake. For the last few months, whenever I’d try to sleep at night, it felt like my heart would stop, then it would pound like a sledge hammer, then race to catch up to normal rhythym. One night I thought I was having a heart attack. And it was just me and my dog. The exaggerated thought of dying alone sealed the deal for me and the next day I went to the doctor.

For the next 30 days, I’m hooked up to a halter monitor so the cardiologist can determine what’s going on. I have no history of heart disease, I eat well and exercise every day, but lately I’ve stuck all of that on the back burner and now I’m paying the price.

While my doctor thinks it’s stress and anxiety, it’s still a wake up call. I have so much admiration for working women with the same responsibilities as me plus children. I don’t know how they do it. It prompted me to think…when was the last time I took time for me?

As women, we bite off more than we can chew and find creative ways to accomplish everything on our to-do list in the mere 24 hours we’re given each day. Military wives who work full-time jobs, run households and care for children and pets often spend a lot of time doing it all on their own. When we get to the point where we’re doing for everyone but ourselves, a burn out is sure to follow.

As women, we feel we can’t take a break because of our jobs, our children, our financial situation, or because we don’t want to be “selfish”. Perhaps we intentionally do so much for others that it’s impossible to make time for ourselves. Maybe we’re scared of what we might learn about ourselves if we do take some down time. Either way, it’s time to give ourselves a break. A big one. Turn off your cell phone for an hour. Drop the kids off with a friend. Open a bottle of wine and play some music or, maybe, catch up on all the shows you’ve DVR-ed but never have time to watch.

I’ve learned that my world is not going to fall apart because I took some time to recharge my batteries. In fact, I’m much more productive when I do take a little bit of time for myself. So below are four ways to rejuvinate your mind, body and soul that will help you avoid burnout and won’t break the bank:

1. Take a walk. Or go for a run. Just get outside and let the air clear your mind.

2. Read a book. Or the newspaper-anything that doesn’t have to do with work.

3. Get a massage. If the recession has tightened your purse strings, go for a pedicure instead. Go on, you deserve it!

4. Head to the gym. I can’t think of a better way to get rid of your frustrations than by sweating them out. Whether you’re lifting weights or doing cardio, you’re doing your mind and your body a world of good.

Photo by tapasparida

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Tools to manage a household crisis during deployment (Part One)

Kirsty — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 12:07:02 +0000

It is inevitable. When your husband deploys, you will have to deal with a household crisis that you would never have thought you would have the gumption to deal with on your own. My personal horror stories – flat tire on the way home, death of a close family friend, surgery for my dog – aren’t even as bad as many that I’ve heard. But every incident I dealt with made me much stronger after the fact because I learned great tools to manage a crisis at home during a deployment.

Accept Reality. Right now the ball’s in your court and yours alone, because during a deployment, you have no backup. Once you accept the fact that you have no choice but to take action in a crisis, you will naturally start to muster up the confidence to take on any situation.

Be Calm. After all, what’s the alternative? I can’t think of a crisis that would be better handled if someone was hysterical. Try deep breathing and create your own “deployment mantra” that you can silently chant to channel your tension.

Filter Information. We’ve discussed key ways to interact with your husband that will result in an A+ deployment in a previous post. It is important to remember to be careful about what you share with your husband while he is deployed for two reasons. First, and most obviously, because you don’t want to add to his stress. But second, because he may not have the capacity to react the way you’d expect him to at home or in the field. That’s a sad fact that can end up being hurtful to you, so it’s best to avoid it all costs.

The truth of the matter is that you are stronger and more capable than you think. I don’t care who you are. You just have to trust in yourself and follow these tools and you can sail through any household crisis. Next week in Part Two, I’ll identify great resources to help you with specific crises.

Photo by: dustpanalley

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Get your life back together after a layoff

Kelly — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:48:27 +0000

We’ve posted the steps to take immediately following a layoff, but just as important is knowing what to do with your time once you’ve applied for unemployment and begin the hunt for your next job. Applying to every job posting online will only drive you crazy; you simply cannot sit at a computer for eight hours a day and not lose your mind-or your positive outlook, both of which are crucial right now.

This period of unemployment is an opportunity to learn and grow as much as possible, so, before you log on to Monster or Career Builder, recharge your batteries with some of the steps below:

1. Head to the gym. It’s no secret that high-stress jobs are bad for your health, but even a 9-5 position can leave you too tired to exercise or unable to make time for it at all. Take a time-out from job hunting and get your heart pumping daily by lifting weights, taking a spinning class or doing some good old-fashioned cardio. Exercise renews your mind, body and spirit, helps you work out your frustrations and keep a positive frame of mind .

2. Plan a trip. This may seem unrealistic, given that you’ve just lost your income, however, once you do find a new job you won’t be able to take vacation time for a while. You worked hard at your last job and, chances are, weren’t able to take vacation because your husband was deployed or your kids were in school when you had the time off. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, but take advantage of the down time while you can.

3. Find an internship. This is a great way to get experience in a new field and helps fill the gap between jobs on your resume. Future employers won’t know you only worked a few hours a day or whether or not you got paid, and best yet, it gives you a foot in the door in a new industry you are interested in.

4. Create your own blog. Blogging is one of the best ways to keep up in your industry and connect with potential employers. Showcase what you bring to the table and highlight issues in your industry, along with solutions to these issues. You have a lot of time on your hands and this is one of the wisest ways to use it.

5. Create projects for yourself. Creating a project is half the battle-actually doing it is the other half. Do something with your time that is meaningful to you so that when an interviewer asks why you left your previous job, you can talk about the projects (and blogs) you are spearheading now.

6. Network, network, network. Turn every place you visit into an opportunity to meet new people-at the gym, at parties, wherever. When someone asks what you’ve been up to, talk about your blog and the issues your unveiling in your industry.

Networking is often more successful in landing your next interview just by getting in front of the right people and talking about what you’re doing. All of my jobs have been obtained by finding the right people and talking to them, so get moving!

Photo by Konstantin Sutyagin

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How social media can build self confidence

Kirsty — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:44:10 +0000

I‘m going to make a case for engaging in the world of social media and it’s one you may not have heard before. Understandably not everyone will use Facebook, MySpace or Twitter for work, and you may say that you don’t have time to use it at home. But, what you may not know is that engaging in social media can help build your self-confidence, which in turn will help you be more successful at work and happier at home.

Learn to not care what other people say about you. The online world is full of rejection if you think about it. Not getting your Facebook friend request accepted, losing Twitter followers, getting a nasty response from a blog comment. But, the truth is that the more of yourself you put out there, the less you will start to care. Because you already have tons of Facebook friends, you are winning new Twitter followers everyday and you can’t let one bad egg on a blog get to you.

Accepting credit. There’s no room for the humble online! You will have people tell you in public that they saw your website and blog and loved it. You will have folks on Twitter retweeting and recommending you to all their followers. Be gracious and accept that you made a useful contribution. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Become an authority. When you’re blogging or building a brand for yourself on Twitter or other social media platforms, if you don’t present yourself as an authority, you will remain one in a million social media users. On the contrary, it takes a lot of guts to write about advice, give your opinion or try to be funny. You need to trust that you are a credible enough source to do this. If believe it, then your readers will too.

Using social media to build self confidence will have a lasting ripple effect that will trickle down through home and work alike. It may be uncomfortable at first to “put yourself out there,” but if you have something to say, then you will eventually feel right at home in the world of social media.

Photo by: productionstudyusa

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What are your Earth Day resolutions?

Kirsty — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:28:45 +0000

Two New Years’ ago, I made a resolution to be a better steward of the environment. Several months and one deployment later my record has honestly not been too hot. I promote and support anyone’s efforts to make those small daily changes that help make Earth a nicer place to live, but when put into action, I fell short of my (and Planet Earth’s) goals! So, I bring to you, in honor of Earth Day 2009, my new environmental resolutions. I’m going to tell you the small changes I hope to make in my life to help the environment and in doing so I hope you’ll help hold me accountable and adopt similar changes in your life!

Recycling

I hate making excuses for myself, but I’m fairly certain that if there was a service that swung by to pick up my recycling, I would do a much better of keeping this up. Also, my garage is a mess. So I resolve, to declutter the garage and buy some fun recycling bins. I’ve heard that if you have kids, you can paint them with chalkboard paint so they can draw on the bins to make the task of recycling a little more exciting. I agree that in this day and age, there is no excuse to not recycle. So, I pledge to you that I will restart and stick with it!

No more grocery bags

It is so hard for me to remember to bring my own bags to the grocery store. Sometimes I feel so guilty about this that I buy tons of the permanent ones at the check out line, just because I’m too humiliated to opt for the plastic bags. Some grocery stores give away a window decals that remind you to “Bring your own bags.” My mom sent me such a decal from Publix in Florida, so excuse number two is eradicated from my resolution list!

Use friendlier products

I already do this to some extent, but I will pledge, when compared to another product, to purchase the product that is more environmentally friendly. One product I’ve been excited about is Bissell’s Little Green carpet cleaner, which is made entirely from recycled plastics. I read in a Wal-Mart ad that for every customer who bought a Little Green machine, it would be like recycling two million bags of trash! Why on earth would you choose an alternative!

Save money, save the world

For the first time ever, economical can be associated with environmental. For instance, making the sustainable choice and supporting your local farm economy at the Farmer’s Market, may indeed be more affordable than buying your fruit and veg in the grocery store. And in fact, there’s no need to spend you hard-earned bucks purchasing new, expensive cleaners in fancy (non-environmental friendly) packaging, when you can just come up with your own homemade solutions. I pledge to make environmental friendly choices everyday – especially when it will save me money!

So I put myself out on a limb and have made my Earth Day resolutions. Share yours by leaving us a comment. We’ll check back in periodically to see how we’re keeping up!

Photo by: Elly Zee