Everyone handles the first week of a deployment differently. It can be hard to know what to do or how to handle this and it’s hard for me to advise anyone because each wife’s experience is unique. I can tell you based on my own experience, the five mistakes you can make during the first week of his deployment. If you can sail through the first week without making these mistakes, pat yourself on the back because it’s entirely possible you will sail through the remaining months quite smoothly!
1. Apathy
Lots of wives will handle the first week of a deployment with a great deal of apathy. This can lead to you calling in sick or requesting time off work. Bad idea. You will need to have a lot activity the first week he’s gone to keep your mind off his leaving. This first week may require days of him traveling to his ultimate destination without access to a phone. Use this time to keep yourself busy and start to acclimate yourself to the idea that you no longer get to hear from him everyday.
2. Self-Destruction
A lot of women – not just military wives – will turn to self-destructive behavior when they are sad or depressed. Don’t go down this road. Plan this week out to make sure you’re cooking healthy, wholesome meals and getting plenty of rest. Replace any possible negative behavior (drinking) with a positive one (go to the gym, meditate, go to church). In this first week, you’re setting the stage for the rest of the deployment. Set high standards for yourself.
3. Humility
It’s a good thing to be independent. It’s not a good thing to turn down help from family, friends or co-workers this week. There’s no need to pretend nothing’s wrong this week. Learn to trust that the people around you want to be sensitive and helpful. You just have to leave the door open for them to do so.
4. Arrogance
Consider your mood during this first stressful week. If you’re swinging pretty low, don’t shrug off the idea of professional help. As military wives we have great benefits that include access to counselors and therapists who specialize in helping us deal with deployments. Talk to your doctor about the options you have. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about here. I see as choosing one of two options – you can choose to be happy, or you can choose to be miserable. If sharing your troubles with a professional once a week will help put you on the path to happiness, don’t turn your nose up to the idea. You deserve to be happy.
5. Neglect
Here’s one I struggled with for the duration of my first deployment experience. Your husband may be away. But, the laundry won’t stop piling up, the dishwasher won’t empty itself and the dog won’t spontaneously learn to vacuum up his pet hair. Face the facts. A clean and orderly house is going to help your life feel a little less chaotic. One trick I learned – set the kitchen timer for 10 minutes and give yourself 10 minutes to clean up. What sometimes feels like an arduous clean up task will in fact take you less than 10 minutes! Do that on a daily basis and it will help set a good clean up precedent for the rest of the deployment.
The most important thing to remember this week is that your husband will also be worried about your well being. It’s very likely he will have more important things to worry about in the coming weeks. So, it’s your responsibility to stay strong and healthy to not cause him any concern.
Photo by: ONE/MILLION
