After I experienced my first deployment, I asked my husband to rate how I coped on a scale of 1 to 10. I was pleasantly surprised when he gave me a 9.5 and told me he thought I was exceptionally level headed and supportive for my first time going through it. I recently asked him what it would it take to be an A+ spouse during a deployment so I could share it here, straight from the Marine’s mouth!
1. Cookies
This was the first thing he said to me. It surprised me because I mistakenly thought homemade cookies would go stale on their journey halfway around the world. The best he got from me was probably 100-calorie graham cracker packs! Well, it turns out you can pack cookies to keep them fresh and apparently nothing tastes as good as real butter, genuine sugar and lots of love you bake into them.
2. Care packages
On that note, take note that you should keep the care packages coming! This was something that I was particularly good at. And I didn’t have to spend a lot of money or time to do it either. Personally, it felt great – like I had a real connection to my husband – every time I packed a new box and waited in line at the post office to send it. And apparently the feeling is mutual, because I hear that nothing beats hearing your name called at mail call. And if you have “care package idea block,” we’re here to help. Check out our 101 care package ideas series here.
3. Communicate consistently
Be consistent when communicating, he advised. If you know that your husband typically calls at a certain time during the week, make your best effort to not deviate from that schedule. Or, if you email everyday, try not to suddenly fall off the radar if you get busy, or go out of town. It’s tremendously frustrating when they are looking forward to talking to you and you can’t be available.
4. Be judicious in sharing your problems
I’m not saying to sugarcoat things, or bottle up your problems, but be judicious in sharing your problems with your husband when he’s deployed. It’s nothing but aggravating when they love you and want to help but cannot do anything. It’s fine to ask their advice if you think it will help you solve an issue. But, if you end up solving an issue without his help, it’s probably best that you don’t mention you ever had a problem in the first place.
5. Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
I think going through a deployment can actually help to learn to communicate more effectively as a couple. Every time you talk to him is precious and you don’t want to waste that time bickering. During a deployment, it’s easy for you to feel cheated and easy for him to feel resentful, but it’s your job to keep your emotions in check and to not waste those precious minutes you get to talk or email fighting.
Photo by: ldoherty81
