Allow me to set the stage.
Years ago I spent a summer in London interning at a marketing consultancy firm. Every Friday me and my hardworking flatmate would go out in search of the perfect TGIF cider and the best fish and chips in the city. One Friday in particular an elderly lady at the pub became particularly chummy.with us. She was a little strange to say the least. Let’s just say, I never noticed an Adam’s apple on my grandmother. It didn’t take long for him/her to spill his/her guts and tell us that his wife allows him to go out one night a week dressed as a lady. This bit of information sent us into a tailspin and immediately my friend started to jam her elbow into my ribs hurrying me to finish my drink so we could leave.
OK, here’s the rub. I don’t hear well. Seriously. It’s difficult for me to be in loud places with large groups of people. I don’t pick up on a lot. So, Grandma Tranny asked me a question and I did what I normally do when I didn’t hear a word someone said, I nodded enthusiastically and said, “Definitely, of course!” He/she swiftly ran away from the table and if looks could kill, my friend would be facing a life sentence. Turns out the old broad asked if we would stay and talk to her for another round. My affirmation meant we were stuck at the pub for at least another half hour.
This incident taught me that I cannot use a physical excuse to not be an active listener. It just means I have to work harder that everyone else (under 75). Now, there are a lot of people in the workplace who can hear perfectly well, yet are horrible listeners. Well, there’s no excuse for that. So here are a few tips to help you turn hearing into listening:
Listen with your entire body. You know that I’m listening to you because it’s as if every part of my body is. My eyes are animated, my head is nodding, my face is inquisitive. Introducing the conversation to my body helps me to retain more information in this active listening method I employ quite often.
Strategic note-taking. Once I had a boss who hated it if you took notes while he was speaking with you. He thought it meant you weren’t listening. I happen to agree with him. There’s a time and a place for note taking, which means you must become a more strategic note taker. You will also soon learn exactly what kinds of notes are worth taking. I like to keep notebook handy where I can record people’s children’s names, connections we may have or particular likes or dislikes. This helps me stay on top of my game. Listening has a direct effect on memory, so you must adopt the tools you need to ensure your memory stays sharp.
Repeat after me. It’s the oldest trick in the book. When someone introduces themselves to you, greet them and repeat their name, “It’s so nice to meet you, Amy.” It works, so do it. Beyond that, don’t be afraid to repeat action items at the end of a meeting to make sure you heard everything correctly. A great waitress will repeat your order to make sure she got all the “on-the-side” adjustments you requested, spot on. So why wouldn’t you?
When in doubt, work hard to be genuinely interested. It makes the listening much easier. And nothing feels better than if you know you made someone’s day by listening – whether it be a friend or your boss. I know this for a fact because in London, our elderly friend picked up our bar tab. Turns out no one liked to be on the receiving end when he tried to strike up conversations in the pub once a week. And at the end of that Friday, it was his gratitude that felt better than our free drinks!
Photo by: cakesheadphones
